An Unhappy Father's Day
by hermione-of-vulcan
Summary: Kirk's illegitimate children show up at a starbase while he's on shore leave, the crew become babysitters, and he regrets his bad decisions. My first non-crossover TOS fic. Standard disclaimers apply.


"It was your own illogical actions that brought this upon you," was Spock's only gesture of support, and, Jim Kirk supposed, it wasn't really support at all.

Kirk's other friend, Doctor Leonard McCoy, was even less help than the science officer, considering that he hadn't spoken since Jim had explained the situation, and instead had been caught in a fit of laughter.

"I regret it now, Spock, but what do I _do_ about it?" Kirk asked, almost begging him for help, since McCoy was in no state to provide any.

Spock looked around. "You could give them up for adoption, since I highly doubt you can handle this many. Perhaps Ensign Chekov would adopt one or two." The Russian was sitting on the floor, allowing two alien children to pull on his hair. Tears were welling up in his large brown eyes from the strength of the tugging, which made Kirk wonder if Spock was making a tiny joke.

The captain sighed. "I have an obligation to these children. After all, I am their father."

McCoy recovered from his fit, but his bright blue eyes still crinkled at the edges. "That doesn't mean you can keep them _all_, Jim. They won't fit on the ship!"

"Maybe if we all helped…" Kirk mused.

The doctor gave him a look. "I'm a doctor, not a babysitter. Don't touch that!"

The last was caused by one of the older boys, taking interest in a (thankfully) sheathed fencing foil lying in the corner. McCoy rushed forward to stop him, and was quickly tangled into one of the games the children were playing, effectively proving his earlier statement false.

"Someone get Sulu in here to get that out," Kirk snapped. "There are enough problems in here without something sharp and dangerous."

One of the security ensigns acting as babysitter took that as an order and ran off. One of the perks of being captain, Kirk reflected, was being able to call on the crew to help him in these situations. Even if this starbase was supposed to be shore leave, and they were trained in starship operations, not childcare. At least he let them take shifts.

Uhura walked out of an adjoining room, carrying a newly diapered baby. She deposited her on the ground next to Chekov, who gave the child a wary look. But when the child didn't pull his hair, the ensign smiled and picked her up. Uhura continued though the crowd, dodging children, until she faced Kirk. Her look of grim determination frightened him, and he braced himself.

"Thanks for your help," he began, trying to divert the storm, as it were. "It's nice to have someone on duty who is a nurturing person."

"You're welcome," she said frostily. "At _least_ you're thankful that we're helping _clean up _after _your _bad decisions."

"Spock had something similar to say," Kirk said apologetically. "I regret it now."

Her eyes pierced him. "Maybe you should have thought of that before. Be glad you've got us now."

She then strode out, leaving Kirk feeling even guiltier about burdening the crew.

"That is the opinion of many of the crew," Spock said, reappearing at Kirk's shoulder. Come to think of it, where had he been while Kirk was talking to Uhura?

"I can't fix it now, Spock!" Kirk said exasperatedly.

Spock failed to return the anger. "But if you want to regain your crew's respect, I would suggest helping."

Kirk gaped at him in amazement. "I know _nothing_ about being a parent! What can I do?"

The Vulcan explained "It is not parenting. All that is required is to amuse the children, which isn't difficult, I assure you." He rubbed an ear surreptitiously, and Kirk noticed that the points were slightly greener than usual.

"What happened to you?" Kirk asked, wondering if it would be funny.

Spock took hand down, realizing Kirk had seen it. His gaze turned a bit cold. "You have obviously not procreated with a female Vulcanoid, because your children find my ears novel and amusing and take pleasure in tugging at them. Captain, look!"

Kirk turned, and a two- or three-year-old boy slammed into his leg, going much faster than a child of that age should, Kirk decided.

"Ow!" Kirk yelped, biting back a curse. Then, remembering Spock's suggestion, he gritted his teeth and got down on his knees, eye level with the boy. If Spock could do it, so could he.

"Trying out your warp speed?" he said, forcing a smile onto his face.

The boy gave him a bemused look. "Warp speed?"

The curses he'd bit back earlier came to the front of his brain. He'd know what warp speed was at the age of three, but his father was a Starfleet officer on Earth, and these children were all from planets protected by the Prime Directive—which, of course, he'd broken to get in with their mothers. But that meant that this was not just embarrassing, but also an interplanetary incident of epic proportions. He filed that away and tried to explain.

"Warp speed is when you go really, really, fast!" Kirk said, then something flashed through his mind—the way he had known what warp speed was at the age of three. "Like this!"

Kirk hoisted the little boy into the air and began running across the room. "Starship going to warp one…warp 2…warp 3!" he counted as he accelerated, just as his father had.

Keeping in character, he barreled on towards a wall. "Warp nine…oh no, collision course!" he yelled as they approached. The boy was screaming, from exhilaration or terror Kirk couldn't tell. Then—

The captain staggered to a stop, panting hard. He let the child down, but the boy grabbed onto his leg.

"More warp speed! More warp speed!" he begged, his eyes irresistibly wide.

Kirk sighed and gave him another ride, figuring there was no harm. It was fun and he was helping, like Spock said. Maybe being a parent wasn't so hard after all. Maybe he liked children. Maybe they could install a daycare facility aboard the Enterprise…

But the boy ran off after the second ride, and talked to the other kids. Three more kids ran over to him.

"Warp speed! Warp speed!" they begged.

Which meant, of course, he had to give them rides. After about ten, even the athletic captain was aching and out of breath.

"Spock?" he panted.

The Vulcan had been watching the entire game, so he raised an eyebrow and said "Yes?"

"Continue giving them rides. Get some more crew members to help."

"With all due respect, Captain, why should we?"

Kirk gave him a weary look. "I don't want to disappoint them. That's an order."

"The crew resents your bad decisions taking up time on their shore leave. They have lost respect for you."

"You already said that!" Kirk snapped. "I helped!"

"But they don't want to help, not with something the children could do without. You can't order them to do that."

Kirk sighed. "Fine. Somebody go to an adoption office and arrange to place these children before shore leave is over."

"I can do that," Spock agreed.

Kirk nodded in acknowledgement and relief, then staggered out.

His mind was wholly focused on finding someplace to rest, away from the enthusiastic mob of children. Of _his_ children. The thought made him shiver. These children were his own kin, half him and half alien woman. He winced at the pain in his back, and cursed everything that led to the children's existence: the beauty of the alien women, skimpy alien female outfits, seduction as a strategy, his own desires…

Lost in internal ranting, Kirk blundered right into another person walking in the opposite direction, banging his shoulder on hers.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, putting a hand on her shoulder to make sure she wasn't injured. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she said, smiling at him. Kirk suddenly became pleasantly aware that she was very beautiful and dressed to show it off in a dress with a deep V-neck and a skirt that barely covered her thighs.

Kirk smiled back, and was about to ask her name, but then he remembered where he'd just come from and how it had happened. A horrified expression nearly reached his face. The poor children—how hard their lives would be, being illegitimate and, once adopted, raised by those who weren't their blood parents. He thought how much of a burden they'd been on their mothers, who were working on developing their planet's society. His crew (especially the females) had lost respect for him because of that bad behavior.

He dropped his hand from the woman's shoulder, nodded, and raced off in search of something for a headache.

**A/N Kirk learns a lesson. YAY! Cover picture from "And the Children Shall Lead".**


End file.
